True Meaning of 'Troublesome'
by LxZrulez
Summary: AU, ShikaTema. For the whole of my life, I thought I knew what 'trouble' was. My mother, girls, homework, those things were troublesome. And yet this girl had to come into my life and make me rethink what I was so sure was a fundamental knowledge.
1. Chapter 1: First and Second

**_First and Second _**

You know what it's like when obsessed girls start fangirling over some "incredibly hot" guy? They claim they're in love, that they'll never want another, that that boy is their entire world. Then, in a few days, or weeks if you're lucky, they decide that this _other _guy is their one true love. Then the cycle starts all over again.

Honestly, it's frustrating. You'd want to bonk them over the head, knock some sense into their evidently empty heads. Kami knows how many times Ino's sobbed to me about how she might be too fat, that her current infatuation might like another, that maybe she's too ugly. Really, all that worrying over trivial things just to repeat it all over, the only difference in the routine being the guy she's worrying about.

You'd think that girls are bad enough. But it's a hundred times worse when the one Cupid shot is a _guy._

Some guys like Kiba rush through relationships, and come out of them with a huge, red slap mark across his face. And then there's others like Rock Lee and Naruto, who actually stay true to their word and continue liking that one person, whether that girl spurs their advances and go after a more elite guy, or if that girl's too shy to meet their gaze. I thought I was going to die when Lee professed his undying love for that pink-haired nerd, Haruno Sakura. Naruto went crazy when that pale violet-eyed brunette Hyuga Hinata finally amassed the courage to ask him out. Even Chouji, my best friend, _Chouji_, wondered about whether he should ask our childhood friend, Yamanaka Ino, out.

I swear, love makes people seriously stupid.

The only ones who didn't give a damn about this screwed up chaos we call "love" were Neji, Sasuke, Shino, and me. Neji didn't care because he was too obsessed with being a child prodigy—and showoff—with perfect grades. Sasuke didn't worry either, since he already had an army of fangirls stalking him. Shino was only interested in things with antennae and three or more pairs of legs. And me? I'd already figured out the design of this ridiculous puppy love a long time ago.

It was obvious. If you were on top, you had it all. The guy with the hottest body, the most gorgeous face, the coolest hair, and the biggest fanclub would always win. I had none of these things. Why should I set myself up for disappointment?

I looked average, acted average, was average, and my life was sure as hell going to be average. I didn't want anything more than that. I wanted a life that wasn't too troublesome, a nice, normal life. I didn't need trouble. That much I knew beyond doubt.

At least, that was what my ideals back then were. Back when I thought I knew what 'troublesome' meant. But for the whole of my life, I thought I knew what 'trouble' was. My mother, girls, homework, those things were troublesome. And yet this girl had to come into my life and make me rethink what I was so sure was a fundamental knowledge.

It started out as one of those dull, windy September days at Konoha High. We were in the courtyard. Shino was utterly bored, since there were no insects in sight. Sai was drawing his next masterpiece, and Neji just sat there taking up space while Chouji stuffed his face with barbeque chips. Naruto and Sasuke were arguing, Kiba was tying Naruto's shoelaces together while the blonde's attention was on insulting Sasuke, and I was complaining about how school was so troublesome while a flock of fangirls drooled over Sasuke. Nothing out of proportion in our regular, screwed up lives.

Then Ebisu-sensei came trotting along, his loud, obnoxious voice raised to maximum volume, evidently pointing out which buildings were which as three unfamiliar students trailed behind him.

Everyone in the courtyard shut up, all eyes trained on the newcomers. Considering the large amount of rude bystanders that were obviously whispering about them, I was surprised when not one of the three new arrivals seemed the least bit perturbed. Ebisu-sensei's annoying voice echoed throughout the courtyard awkwardly. They kept on walking, we kept on staring.

Then, cutting the silence in his usually unsubtle attempt at being subtle, Naruto said, "It's them! The transfer students! Dattebayo!"

His version of whispering was our equivalent to a shout, and yet none of the transfer students even turned his way. They didn't seem to hear. Or rather, they didn't care.

The one closest behind Ebisu-sensei was a boy of slender build. He had dark burgundy hair and incredibly pale cobalt eyes. The Japanese symbol for "love" was etched on the left side of his forehead, just beneath his hairline. Dark shadows rimmed his eyes, and he was ashen. Maybe he was an insomniac.

The second was also a boy, with messy chestnut hair and umber eyes. His face was more rugged than the pallid features of the other. He was also stockier and taller, although if you looked closely, you could see the faint resemblance between the two. Although one had eyes edged with marks from lack of sleep, their eyes were the same, proud and fierce. The stockier one seemed more outgoing than the pale one, although that wasn't saying much. If you saw that evil basilisk's glare he had on his face, you would know what I mean.

The third student was a girl, who was just as tall as the redhead. Her sandy hair was tied into four chaotic pigtails at the back of her head. She wasn't as pale as the redhead, but not as tanned as the brunette. She had a strange eye color, a dark teal that I'd never seen in anyone else before. Her eyes, too, had that overbearing look that the others had. Instead of the usual stockings that high school girls wore, she had fishnets, one sleeve that covered half of her left thigh and another that covered her right calf like a sock.

That was the first time I saw her. The second time was in literature class. I was dozing off and hadn't realized that she was there.

A sharp whack over my head quickly changed that.

"Wake up, lazyass," she muttered as she passed by my desk, sitting down in the seat assigned to her. Unfortunately, that seat was right behind me. I peeked up at Kakashi-sensei, the teacher of our class, rubbing my head ruefully. He had his masked nose buried in his Icha-Icha book. As I stared at him, he looked up, met my gaze, and gave me an innocent "_Who, me?" _look before turning his attention back to the pervy volume he held. I groaned. Why did I have a feeling he deliberately put that girl behind me? With that troublesome person behind me, I had a feeling that I'd get hit over the head with books a lot more often now.

I moaned quietly before placing my head back in my arms, trying to resume the nap that had been cruelly cut short. Hopefully that girl wouldn't interrupt me again. It would have been such a drag.

I should've known that that girl was going to royally screw up my life.

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><p><strong>Please review! <strong>

**This was the first chapter of a ShikaTema drabble fanfic that I was writing. Before I continue, I need to know what you think. So please review!**

**. . . After all, it's a pity not to use that pretty little button down there, no?**


	2. Chapter 2: Names

_**Names**_

Even though she nearly smashed my head open, I didn't learn her name until a few days later. Naruto and Lee had decided to tow me along with them after school for some unfathomable reason, while all I wanted to do was stare at clouds. Sounds extremely tedious, I know.

"Why?" I complained sourly as Naruto and Lee all but pulled my arms off as they yanked me down the hall, Lee's maniacally 'youthful' smile bright as the sun.

"Because we've decided that you need to move your lazy ass," Sasuke offered from behind us, sounding bored but slightly amused. I huffed. Now even _he _was forcing me through this? Sasuke was always sadistic, but. . .

"Besides, Chouji's already there, waiting," he continued, sounding smug. "You won't force him to wait, will you?"

I could positively feel his smirk burning through my back. He _knew _I would do anything for my best friend.

"Stupid Chicken-butt head," I griped. Wasn't this time _mine? _It was afterschool, after all.

"Show some youth, Shikamaru-kun!" Lee coaxed brightly. "You must see the explosion of power that results from the volcano of passion Neji has when he fights! It's truly amazing! It's the most youthful thing y—"

"Idiot," I muttered gloomily.

"What did you say, Shikamaru-kun? How could you possibly say things like that about—"

"It's troublesome. First you say you're going to drag me along after school, and now you're forcing me to listen to you recite a poem? You're being unusually torturous, Lee."

"It's not a poem! It's a—"

"Whatever it is, it's just cruel. Doesn't matter what it is."

"SHUT UP! DATTEBAYO!"

"For once I agree with Dead Last. Shut up."

"S_ASUKE_! HOW DARE _YOU _CALL ME DEAD LAST!"

Of course they dragged me, complaining at the top of my lazy lungs, into the Martial Arts room while they argued. We found Neji, clad in linen clothes, just standing next to the practice mats, while and Chouji sat on one of the benches that lined that wall. Unsurprisingly, Chouji was chomping his way through a jumbo bag of barbecue chips, crumbs sticking to his uniform.

"Neji? Why aren't you practicing?" Naruto demanded as he and Lee dropped me to the floor, ignoring the loud string of profanities directed at their backs. Sasuke helped me up as Neji nodded towards the middle of the room. A girl with her hair in two buns—TenTen—stood with her back to us, two sharp kunai knives in her hands. Facing her was _that girl_, the blonde one, the one who hit me over the head with her textbook. She held a huge, polished rectangular black box in her hands.

"Temari! C'mon! You promised to battle!" TenTen hollered as she waved her kunai knives threateningly. The girl—Temari—smirked impishly.

"Are you sure? I'm not going to send you to the hospital after I beat the hell out of you."

"Stop acting so confident! Bring it on!"

Temari sighed, grabbing the more slender end of the black box with one hand. She swung it gently, and with a loud swish, the box unfolded in a chinking of metal.

I could literally hear three pairs of jaws hitting the ground.

Temari had a huge five-foot fan in her hand now. The handle glistened midnight black. Three lavender circles were painted across the beige surface of the fan. Naruto, Lee, and Chouji's eyes were bugging out, an uneaten chip falling out from Chouji's gaping mouth. Even Sasuke seemed surprised. Neji just sighed, as if he were used to girls suddenly brandishing oversized household appliances.

Temari grinned mischievously at our expressions before hefting the heavy weapon in one hand. "Well? I hope this is an interesting spar. I'm bored out of my mind."

Needless to say, that battle was incredibly short. Even though TenTen had, as she called it, 10/10 aim, Temari deflected all the attacks and parried them flawlessly. In a few minutes the fight was over, TenTen panting while Temari folded her fan up, not even breaking sweat.

"You have to promise another match," TenTen demanded in between gasps. "That was the most challenging one I've had yet!"

Neji made a disbelieving noise at the back of his throat. Temari quirked her slender eyebrows as the edge of her lips tugged into a lopsided grin.

"Yeah. After school tomorrow?"

TenTen furrowed her brow. "You sure? You don't have any after school activities, right?"

"Nope," Temari assured her as she slipped the folded up fan through the scarlet sash tied around her waist. "At least, none that I care about."

"Okay, tomorrow, then." TenTen turned to leave, glancing at Neji before grabbing her black bag that had been lying next to the practice mats.

"TenTen?" Temari called after her, halting the brunette in her tracks. TenTen turned to look at her as Temari grinned teasingly. "Tomorrow, I'll really be sending you to the hospital. No getting off now."

TenTen laughed, and Temari smiled. I could tell this one was genuine, different from those other cocky smirks she gave everyone else. She bared her teeth in a feral grin, her eyes squinting shut as she and her former opponent laughed. The smile was slightly frightening. Something about it screamed "TROUBLESOME!" in huge, bold capitol letters.

As TenTen left the club, a voice rang out from across the room. I jumped as the pale auburn-haired boy and sturdy hazel-haired boy got up from their seats on the benches on the other side of the room. They'd been so quiet, I'd never noticed them before.

"That was good, Temari," the brown-haired boy admitted grudgingly as he and his ashen friend made their way towards her. Temari rolled her eyes.

"Of course it was good," she scoffed, her teal eyes glinting playfully as her impish grin came back in place. "I did it, no?"

The boy opened his mouth to make a scathing retort, only to get the redhead's hand on his shoulder.

"Give it a rest, Kankuro," he commanded. "You can always yell at her at home."

Home? Did they live together?

"Why not now?" Kankuro complained. "We're right here!"

The redhead nodded towards us. "It's impolite to fight now. Remember the last time you fought in public?"

"You're one to talk, Gaara," Temari said, flashing a roguish smirk. "Remember what you did to those weirdoes who were stalking us?

". . . That's beside the point," Gaara said matter-of-factly, his calm expression not changing as he glowered around at us all. "That was in an alley. We're in the middle of a dojo. Don't you see the difference?"

"Not really," Kankuro and Temari said simultaneously. Gaara rolled his eyes to the heavens.

"_They_ are here," he said, pointing at us as if we couldn't hear him.

"So?" Temari muttered mutinously as she glowered at us, almost as if it were our fault. "It's their problem, not ours, if they end up missing a few body parts."

Those three didn't even seem to notice the strange looks we gave them. They just continued bickering. Finally, Neji stepped forward.

"My name is Hyuga Neji. May I ask who you are?" he said formally, bowing. Immediately the three transformed, bowing back politely. The redhead, Gaara, introduced himself first. Why he bothered repeating his name, which we already knew, was beyond me. It was a waste of energy and breath.

"My name is Sabaku no Gaara. These are my siblings, Temari and Kankuro." He gestured to them. "Pleased to meet you."

Lee bounded forward. "What wonderful names! I am Rock Lee, Konoha High's handsome Blue Beast! What can I do to help you?"

None of the Sabaku siblings even blinked at Lee's "unique" introduction. I had to give it to them; As weird as they were, they were incredibly good at processing strange things are well.

"Don't you want to know what my name is?" Naruto shouted eagerly, only to be put down by Gaara's tactless response.

". . . Not particularily. What's your name? You, the raven-head?"

"Uchiha Sasuke."

"WHAT? You care about _HIM_! Why don't you want to know my name?"

I left before anyone could ask me my name. Introductions were so troublesome.

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><p><strong>I hope you liked this chapter. And review, please! That's what (most) authors live for! :)<strong>

**. . . Seriously, that button's just _begging _to be clicked on!  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3: Neighbors

**I'd like to thank you all for your reviews; Bubbii (the first reviewer! 3), rainshine97, bekah sue** **baird, , BlueAndBlackRoses, LadyTemari, misa, and Ana Nakosa. Thank you!**

**And since bekah sue baird requested it, I'll introduce myself. (Kinda late, no?) Anyways, I'm LxZrulez. You can call me Alyxzi. Now please read!**

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><p><strong><em>Neighbors<em>**

I saw her again that weekend. My mother had informed me that a new family had moved into our street. These new neighbors were my age, and therefore it was my responsibility to "welcome" them to our "wonderful, hospitable vicinity", as my mother put it. Anyone would know she was making those things up on the spot. There was nothing "warm" or "hospitable" about where we lived. What was the point of putting these newcomers under false pretenses? It'd only make it harder to bring them own to reality.

"You want to make them feel at home," my mother had said when I voiced my uncertainty. "Now go and give them the gift! And for Kami's sake, be polite!"

This was coming from a woman who chased me out the door with a soup ladle, but who was I to argue? Protesting would've taken too much energy, and besides, I like my head intact. A soup ladle doesn't sound very threatening, but when it's Nara Yoshino who's waving it at you like a lunatic, I'd say your best chances of survival would be to get the hell out of there.

I strolled down the street, muttering about "troublesome women" and whatnot. It was 9:00 in the morning, the sky a brilliant cerulean with only a few puffs of vapor littering the sky, which made it incredibly good weather for cloud-watching. I approached the house at the very end of the street, tucking the gift, a box of homemade red bean mochi, under my arm, grumbling as I ambled past other neighbors.

The house was relatively large, painted cream with sienna shingles. The lawn was neat, the grass lush and green, leftover morning dew still glittering in the morning light. I made my way to the front door, stepping over the cold, stone steps that lead there. Pots of green plants sat near the edge of the porch, looking natural and bursting with health. It seemed that one of the new inhabitants had a love for plant life. I knocked on the mahogany door, slipping the box into my hands. The door opened, and I extended the gift, looking away.

"Welcome to our neighborhood," I muttered, still not looking at the poor sap who opened the door. This was embarrassing.

"Oh, it's you."

I jerked backwards at the voice, my eyes snapping up to meet curious teal ones.

Temari stood at the door, clad in a purple t-shirt, white scarf, and short jeans over her fishnets. Her blonde hair was disheveled, but otherwise she looked fresh and awake. Her eyebrows were cocked up, as if she were asking, _How may I help you?_

The white scarf twisted around and growled at me, its beady eye glinting maliciously. What the hell?

"You're wearing a weasel," I stammered stupidly, just barely keeping my hold on the mochi.

"Thanks for noticing," Temari replied sardonically as she stroked the animal. The weasel was still giving me that dirty look that could make a Tyrannosaurus Rex run for cover. It had a glossy cloud-white coat, and a bright eye that glittered in the way its mistress's eyes did. The other eye was covered with a black eye patch. It hissed aggressively, then turned its head to look up at Temari's face, almost as if asking _Just one bite? Just one enormous, bloody, lethal bite, please?_

Temari shook her head. "Kamatiri, you can't bite him. Honestly, I think Kankuro and Gaara wouldn't appreciate blood all over the carpet. Baki would give us _hell_."

The weasel huffed almost as if disappointed, curling back over Temari's slender neck, still glaring daggers at me. What type of person had a homicidal weasel?

Oh, right. _This_ one.

"C'mon in," Temari told me as she pushed the door wider, making space for me. As I stepped over the threshold, she called out "Gaara! Kankuro! We've got a visitor!"

The house was pretty neat, if you ignored the few boxes that were still littered about the floor. The colors were complementary, white, beige, and tan, which matched the furniture well. A sudden pounding brought my attention to the second floor as Kankuro came dashing down the stairs.

He was holding what looked like a huge misshapen doll in his hands. The doll had shaggy brown hair and two pairs of arms that stuck out of its black cloak. There were no legs that I could see. The thing's face was gruesome, as if someone had severely hacked away at a tree before piecing the fragments back together again.

"TEMARI!" Kankuro roared as he shook the deformed puppet in his sister's face. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO CROW?"

Temari grimaced in disgust as she pushed her way past him. "I threw it in the recycle bin."

"Now why the heck did you do that for?"

"It looked like a bunch of decaying tree trunks! When you name something 'Crow', why don't you actually make it resemble a bird at the very least? It looked like something I would find in a horror movie!"

"And this is coming from _you? _I'm surprised you even managed to paint three circles on your fan instead of mutilated blobs!"

"Three? Your capacity of counting has improved a lot! Three whole numbers! We ought to give you an award!"

"You—"

"Can't you stop arguing for just _one day_?" Gaara demanded as he suddenly appeared beside me. He was dressed in a maroon shirt that matched his hair, as well as dark navy blue jeans. He glared silently at his siblings. "We've got a guest! For just one freakin' day of your lives, SHUT UP!"

Kankuro and Temari stared at each other, then at Gaara, then back at each other. Of course, they completely ignored the fact that I was standing, breathing and very much alive, in the same room as them.

"Okay," Kankuro said. "We'll stop for a day."

"Yeah," Temari agreed. "We've got the rest of our lives to beat the crap out of each other.

Then the three of them turned their attention to me, which was slightly disconcerting since they were yelling at each other just a few minutes before.

"So you've realized I'm alive?" I muttered under my breath before saying in a louder voice," Um, here's a gift. It's to welcome you to our neighborhood."

I held the box of mochi out, and Gaara took it.

"Thank yo—"

A sudden shriek of yowling drowned him out as a blur of tawny streaked towards me. My eyes nearly popped out. It was a raccoon, if raccoons could look almost as bloodthirsty as vampires. Gaara reached out and grabbed it by its fluffy tail, lifting it so it was dangling upside down.

"Bad Shukaku," he scolded, poking it between the eyes. "I told you, _no biting people_."

The raccoon squabbled as it glared at me, as if it resented me for being a warm-blooded piece of prey it wasn't allowed to bite. It looked so miserably angry, I would've felt sorry for it if the one it wanted to bite wasn't me. Temari took me by the arm, dragging me towards the door.

"You should go," she told me. "The last time Shukaku got like that. . . well. . . "

"Someone got stuck in the E.R.?" I guessed as I exited their household. "Missing a few fingers, maybe?"

She smiled as she stopped at the doorway. "You're pretty perceptive. And thanks for the mochi. See you around, Nara."

Only later did I wonder how she knew my name.

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><p><strong>Yeah, I know, I fail. Hardly and ShikamaruTemari interaction, but they need to build it up first, yeah? **

**I know I made the Sand Siblings pretty screwed up, but I had fun writing about them. I guess their whole "I-love-you-but-I-wanna-kill-you" relationship made them my favorite team in Naruto. *shrug* And Kamatiri and Shukaku. . . don't ask how I came up with that. In case you don't know, Kamatiri is the eye-patched weasel that Temari summoned against Tayuya, and Shukaku is that homicidal raccoon that was shoved inside poor wittle Gaara.**

**Anyways, please review! You know you want to! . . . Or not.  
><strong>


	4. Chapter 4: Arachnophobia

_**Arachnophobia**_

The opportunity to ask popped up a few days later. I was ambling down the hall towards the writing club, irritated beyond belief. You'd be surprised how badly a little annoying blondie can rile you up. Especially when said blondie is obsessed with make-up and fashion and just _won't _leave you alone until you tell her, albeit insincerely, that you like her new clothes.

Needless to say, I was ready to snap at someone. Why did everything have to be so damn troublesome? Especially women. Annoying, shallow, vain _pig _of—

A scream ripped through the otherwise quiet atmosphere of the hallway, causing me to jump in a brief fit of panic. I bit the inside of my cheek, grimacing, as I reached the doorway that had issued the scream. _Nooooo, _I wanted to avoid trouble, and yet that scream just _had _to come from there.

I swung the door open, grumbling, and stepped into the room as I muttered profanities. Then I blinked.

Let's just say the scene I found was painted into my mind for all eternity.

Sabaku no Temari, tomboyish _Temari_, was cowering against the wall like Ino confronted with an ugly supermodel magazine. I can't deny that a laugh burst through my lips, which unfortunately brought that frightened girl's attention towards me. She was still scared, although when she caught me chuckling, Temari's eyes narrowed and she bared her teeth into a snarl that sent shivers down my spine. I, since I liked my head the way it was, immediately stopped laughing.

"Get. Rid. Of. It," she growled through clenched teeth, managing to look as frightening as hell even as she cringed against the wall. I sighed lazily.

"What?" I muttered wearily, scratching the back of my head. She pointed at her desk, although I didn't see anything vaguely threatening anywhere nearby. I approached the desk cautiously.

I didn't find a thing.

"Well? Where is it?" I demanded, annoyed that this troublesome girl was wasting my perfectly good time. I could see several of our classmates, which included Naruto, Kiba, and Ino, were giggling from the other side of the room.

"On the right hand upper corner," she told me tersely, looking is if someone had glued her to the wall permanently. I squinted as I peered up close at the tan edge of the desk.

And burst into laughter.

Sitting innocently at the edge of her desk, looking as harmless as a pillow, was a little spider. I turned to stare at Temari.

"A spider?" I scoffed, slightly disappointed. "Really?"

She scowled at me darkly. "Respect my fears."

I shrugged. "Why not?"

I held out my finger, and the little arachnid scampered on. Then I whirled around and made my way towards Temari, holding my index finger out, my palm facing upwards. "Is this it?" I tried to say as innocently as possible.

The way she jerked back and banged her head against the wall was so damn funny.

"Go away!" she yelped, looking uncharacteristically vulnerable as she flinched. As troublesome as it is to admit, I liked how she seemed so helpless. I extended the little thing towards her, and she jerked away, this time avoiding contact with the wall. Which was good, since I thought I saw some cracks from where her cranium had last made contact with it.

I tormented her a bit more like that. Believe me, it was fun. Loads better than stealing Ino's makeup kit and hearing her loud screeches of vengeance. Better than watching Naruto and Sasuke wreck havoc during their rivalry. But for some crazy reason, maybe because I wasn't used to making women feel uncomfortable (even if that woman's a pain in the ass), or maybe I just had a soft spot for that defenseless look on her face, I took the spider and released it outside.

I should've known she wouldn't stay all helpless like that, though. By the time I came back in, she was facing those who had been there during the whole incident, her eyes crackling like lightning.

"Who put that spider on my desk?" she hissed, her voice slapping out like a whip. I stepped into the room, and her head swiveled around to focus on me with deadly intensity. I held my hands up, palms forward.

"How do you know someone put the little thing there?" I asked. She rolled her eyes.

"I was here before you, Nara. My desk was absolutely _void _of creepy eight-legged crawlers before I remembered I had to get something from the library. When I got back, that _thing _was there."

Before I could say something, she added," The library's just down the hall, you know that. It wouldn't even take me a minute to get back. And how else would a little creepy-crawly be able to move so fast?"

Her accusing gaze turned back to her victims. She looked ready to launch into a very persuading procedure that involved her fist and people's heads. "I want to know who did this." Her eyes flickered to Kiba. "You?"

Kiba shook his head, grimacing, a sharp contrast from his laughing profile just a few minutes prior. "I hate those filthy little things. They always bug Akamaru."

Her gaze swung to Ino. Temari studied her for a moment before deciding that questioning Ino was going to get her nowhere, and turned onto Naruto. Her eyes narrowed as Naruto avoided her gaze guiltily.

"Well?" Temari's voice was strangely calm, like that of a storm before it blew over. Naruto smiled nervously.

"April Fool's?"

". . . It's September, Einstein."

"It's good practice?"

"Good practice my ass! Unless you're suicidal."

"Temari, you can stop threatening him now," someone said from behind me. "You won't get to kill him anyway."

Gaara and Kankuro stepped into the room, Aburame Shino close behind them. Gaara approached Temari without the life-preserving caution the rest of us would have had, rolling his eyes at his sister's antics.

"If you keep on rolling your eyes like that, they'll get stuck," Temari told her sibling matter-of-factly. To dissuade her point, Gaara rolled his eyes once again, proving that his eyes had yet to get stuck.

"Anyway," Gaara said in that deep, quiet voice of his. "The principal, Tsunade-sensei, evidently decided that we could use guides, since we're transfer students. And my guide is that blonde that you're trying to rip apart. I'd appreciate it if you left the ripping apart to me."

Temari made a incredulous noise as she shot a glare at Naruto, who looked reasonably relieved. Although I wouldn't fancy being in the hands of the redhead. He glared like a basilisk when he got mad.

"Kankuro's guide is Aburame Shino," Gaara continued as Shino stood there mutely. What type of person wanted a mute guide? Fat lot of good he'd do if you got lost.

"And mine is. . . ?" Temari prompted impatiently.

"A Nara Shikamaru, if I recall correctly," Gaara said impassively.

Both me and Temari nearly choked.

"What?" I demanded disbelievingly. "Me?"

Gaara turned to look at me, his face taciturn. "If you are Nara Shikamaru, then yes."

Temari was glowering at her brother with enough hate to make even Sasuke proud. "Are you serious?"

"I'm always serious."

"Don't give me idiotically obvious answers."

"Don't give me idiotically obvious questions."

I should've known her sarcasm and thirst for fighting ran through the family.

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><p><strong>Well, now that Shikamaru's Temari's guide, there'll be more interaction, no? <strong>

**Don't ask how I came up with Temari having arachnophobia. I just thought it'd be funny. Plus, there was this funny piece of art back on deviantart. . . well, if you ever do see it, you'll know what I mean. **

**Okay, now review, please! I'd really really really appreciate it, and who knows, I might even update again! So review before I explode~  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5: Guide

_**Guide**_

When I went to Tsunade-sensei wondering about what my being a guide entitles, she brushed me off, saying," Oh, you, know, the usual."

"I don't know the usual."

"Usual meaning you walk her to school, show her around, make sure she knows where everything is and who everyone is—"

"Half the time _I_ don't even know who the hell is who!"

". . . And then make sure she gets home safely, ensure that she participates in her club activities—"

"Basically I'm some bodyguard slash stalker. Why didn't you just make it simpler and say that?"

"Because, saying 'guide' has a better ring to it then bodyguard slash stalker. Okay, shoo shoo before I smash the door down. You're taking up my breathing space."

I knew she wasn't joking. Tsunade-sensei was known for her extreme violence and horrible luck at lotteries. Troublesome Tsunade-sensei.

So the next morning I stood outside the Sabaku sibling's house, leaning against a tree, bored out of my mind as I glared at a sycamore with superfluous loathing. The tree didn't do anything to me. But it was there, and I could make use of its inability to cuss back.

"Damn that irritating Tsunade-sen—"

The sound of the door being thrown open jerked my attention back to the front door. Temari stepped out over the threshold, dressed in Konoha High's female uniform, a white-button up shirt with a plaited green skirt, her fishnets prominent on her fairly long legs. She caught sight of me, her eyebrows first rising in confusion before twisting into a cross grimace.

"I see you," she said, eyes narrowed as she glowered at me. I sighed, shrugging slightly as I pushed myself off my comfortable spot against the tree's back, kicking the dirt as I made my way towards her.

"Well, there are an awful lot of excellent hiding places in the middle of your lawn, aren't there?" I drawled sardonically in reply as I smirked at her, amused by her aggravated expression

"Shut the hell up and get the hell out of here."

"Nice greeting. You're friendlier than normal, Sabaku-san."

". . . Jerk."

"Aw, that's sweet."

"Granted, it probably _is _the closest thing to a compliment that you'll ever get, Nara."

"Probably." I didn't deny that, raising my shoulders up and down. "Now, are you done insulting me, Sabaku-san?"

"I'd never run out insults for you."

I could positively _hear_ the smirk in her voice.

"I could say the same about you. Now, can we go to school now?" I gestured towards the direction of Konoha High, watching as her eyes trailed after the movement. She frowned slightly.

"I don't see why you have to be here, though," she said, her eyes regarding me curiously. I groaned, massaging my head.

"Troublesome woman. I'm your guide, as the High and Mighty Tsunade-sensei proclaimed." I glared at her. "Which means I have to babysit you, as much as I'd rather be doing something else."

Her eyes flickered darkly as she gritted her teeth. "Don't treat me as something inferior, you little crybaby. I'll kick your ass any day."

"Don't act so overbearing. Most girls don't have superiority complexes like you do."

"Do I look like most girls to you?" she demanded harshly, her eyebrows set in an angry line as she drew herself to her full height, which was surprisingly only up to my eyebrows.

"No," I admitted. "You sure you're even human?"

She looked ready to kill me, her fists clenching and unclenching as she eyed me with wicked intent in her eyes. I don't deny that I was frightened; Have a girl like Temari try to kill you and you'd know what I mean.

I stared back at her unwaveringly. After all, I was a man, and a man shouldn't cower before a woman, no matter how freaky she was or how violent. 'Course, that was suicidal, but hey, a man couldn't hit a woman, right?

I'm a chauvinistic pig, I know. No need to rub it in.

Our very interesting staring—in her case, glaring—contest continued, her intention seeming to be burning a hole through my shirt, while my intention happened to be staying alive. Her turquoise eyes were blazing, light blue and green fire. How someone with eyes the color of calm water could look so chaotic, I don't know. Her fingers were still twitching as she glowered at me, thin eyebrows furrowed into a frown.

Suddenly she burst out laughing, her slender shoulders shaking in a fit of giggles.

I was confused.

"What?" I asked self-consciously. She grinned at me, her teal eyes bright with humor.

"You've got courage, kid." She seemed satisfied, a smug expression on her face. "I didn't expect much from you, but I guess I was wrong."

I was miffed. "You had expectations for me?"

She shrugged delicately as we began walking, side by side, down the street. "Well, from first glance, I thought you were an irritating little jerk. The second time, I got that you were a slacker. Third, you were a crybaby."

I was a little put-out now. Crybaby? Seriously? But she was spot on with the whole 'slacker' and 'irritating little jerk' part. Did she really get that much out of just a few glimpses? And there was how she knew my name.

Creepy, infuriating, keen, brazen, problematic, overbearing, straightforward, aggravating, troublesome little harpy.

"So," I said, still aggravated. "Are we going?"

Temari was still grinning in a way that told me she was absurdly _pleased _with the way she had me all riled up. "Alright, Crybaby."

"Troublesome," I grumbled. "Which reminds me, I have a name, you know."

"I know."

"That's exactly what I was wondering about." I was frowning at her now, observing her with apprehensive eyes. She shrugged casually, completely unbothered by the sheer distrust I gave her.

"Your friend with the potato chips," she told me, turning her head towards me. "He apologized for your departure. Then I asked what your name was, and he told me."

"I see," I grunted. "I'll give Chouji hell for it later."

"Be nice to that guy," Temari scolded as she punched me –hardly lightly—on the arm. "He's a lovable guy. Makes me wonder how a lazyass like you became his best friend."

"It's a long story," I said, not in the mood to elaborate. "One that I am _not _going to expound to you."

She faked a heartbroken expression. "Oh, my, how thou rejects me!" Her tone switched immediately to a sarcastic, cutting tone. "My heart bleeds."

"It will be soon," I offered.

"Oh, how so?"

"I'm fairly sure a weapon through one's heart is an effective way to cause a heart to bleed, in case you didn't know, Sabaku-san."

"Hah. I know more about weapons and taijutsu than Mega-brows sensei. Like you'll ever manage that around me, Nara."

"Do you want me to try it on you?"

"Do you _want_ me to _let_ you try?"

We were too busy bickering to notice that we were right outside the gates of school. Well, said gate made its appearance quite well when my arm smashed against it, no doubt leaving a bruise that wasn't entirely acceptable for decoration. I glared at it as Temari and I strode past it, Temari now threatening me with death by mega-fan as she ranted on and on about chauvinistic pigs and whatnot .

Why the hell isn't she in a mental institution?

No, scratch that. Why does she exist? She's got to be the most hellish, screwed-up, problematic thing to ever terrorize the kami-forsaken planet. No, she's the very personification of trouble. Trouble mixed with violence and pride and sarcasm and antagonism and basically any goddamn troublesome thing on the planet. I never thought that anyone could be worse than Ino, that fashion-obsessed freak. It had to be against the laws of the universe. There was a limit on how troublesome things could get, right?

And this _thing _comes prancing along into my life, basically holding a huge, lighted billboard screaming _My very existence is meant to torture your insignificant little lives! Fear me, fools!_

Seeing her rather dangerous mindset, I wondered what her brothers are like. They couldn't be any worse, or the planet would implode from sheer fear of hosting such abominations of nature. 'Course, if earth somehow spawned Temari _and _Ino, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised if something worse came skipping along.

Suddenly tight arms wrapped around my neck, constricting my windpipe as I choked, nearly crashing into some poor sap who just happened to be nearby.

"Dammit, Ino, get the hell off!"

Temari took one look at Ino, grinned, and loped off, sporting one heck of a smug expression on her face. "Sorry to bother you, _Nara-san. _I see you're _busy." _

I swear I could hear her cackling as she darted away.

Ino was, if possible, sporting a grin even wider than the one Temari had on her face. Her blonde hair was swinging softly in her high ponytail, sky blue eyes bright. I gasped for air as I rubbed my throat, glaring daggers at that annoying Barbie doll hell-bent on turning my life into some sappy romance novel.

"Why do I bother hanging around you, Ino?" I griped, irritated, as I struggled to get the imprint of her tight arms off my neck.

"'Cause you looooooooove me, I'm your beeeeeest friend, and because you and Chouji would be compleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetely lost without me," Ino cooed in her most simpering tone, still smiling widely.

"That was a rhetorical question," I informed her as Chouji came upon us. "Yo, Chouji."

"'Sup," he said, sticking his hand back into another jumbo bag of potato chips that he had clutched to his chest. I pointed at Ino.

"Someone call the police."

"You got the cell phone ready?"

"Shut it, guys," Ino cut in, pointing at me accusingly. "Shikamaru, say one word and I'll be dragging you off for shopping. Got that?"

I nodded mutely. There's only so much craziness that one can take, and I was way past my limit. Yet school had barely started, too.

"Now, Shikamaru. . ." Ino had that 'I've got a crazy plan to get Shikamaru stuck with some other blushing stalker-ish girlfriend just to turn my life into a idiotic romance sitcom' look on her face as she surveyed me smugly. "So. . . why were you picking her up for school?"

"I'm her so-called guide."

"What did you discuss on the way here?" Ino looked desperate for juicy gossip. Like I was going to give her any.

"Death by mega-fan and several different ways to go through biological function termination," I told her truthfully. Ino frowned.

"What?"

"Basically, she tried to—"

"Basically she tried to kill you," Ino finished knowingly, tapping her chin. "I get it."

"What?"

"Oh, Shikamaru, you move too fast!" Ino squealed, clapping her hands together, practically dancing as several disturbed bystanders shot us frightened looks.

"I didn't move at all! What're you talking about, woman?"

"She's perfect for him, Chouji, I swear!" Ino was prattling on to Chouji, wringing my best friend by the neck just as mercilessly as she did to me before.

Chouji was turning blue. "I-Ino. . . "

"Oops, sorry," Ino said quickly as she let go. "But Shikamaru, we've finally got the perfect girl for you! She can kick your ass, boss you around, make your life hell, everything you need in a soul mate! It's perfect! I know we've got the right one now!"

"No, you haven't," I told her quickly, backing away in fear of my sanity. "Your whole plan is malfunctioning. It's already falling apart."

"Nope, it isn't!" Ino giggled happily. "That's it Shikamaru! Go run off to your Temari now!"

I walked away quickly, contemplating the pros of bungee jumping without a bungee cord. So far, the idea seemed rather nice.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, now to explain the title.<strong>

**1) Shikamaru's Temari's guide. Obviously.**

**2) Ino. Yep, Ino. In romance, Ino is Shikamaru's 'guide'-or crazy torturer- and so, the title is in reference to both the lazyass and fashion slave. Oh, and Chouji can be the cheerleader.:D  
><strong>

**And now. . . REVIEW, YOU LAZY- Sorry, was getting ahead of myself. Ignore me.**

**But review. NOW.  
><strong>


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